Harry Potter and the Never Ending Castle of Doom
by Leaders Of Bobland
Summary: Harry faces new challenges in his sixth year at hogwarts. Will he be able to defeat Lord Voldemort this year or will it all end badly for Harry?


Harry Potter was a wizard, for definition of 'wizard' see dictionary, because J.K Rowling obviously thinks we're retarded because she feels the need to reiterate it in EVERY SINGLE BOOK! As usual, before term started, Harry was staying with his wonderful stereotypical evil family and as usual they were beating, starving and generally yelling abuse at him.

After many angstful ravings the Weasleys suddenly appeared in their shabby clothes and a main of red hair. Harry always felt so guilty using his money his dead parents left him in front of them. They took Harry back to their little hole in the ground, where Hermione was because she appears to have no parents. There they had many a feast, even though the Weasleys were so poor. After a few days, Harry, Ron and Hermione got letters from the school, Dumbledore knew where they were for he has spent most of Harry's life stalking him. Because that is what he does, stalk Harry. It is his obsession.

On the school equipment list there were many new and expensive things to buy. How are the Weasley's going to afford it? With Harry's invincibility cloak that's how! Harry could, of course, donate money to his best friend and his family, but Harry is a very mean and selfish twat, therefore he will only spend it on himself because he feels his parents left him the money.

Anyway they went to Diagon Alley and bought books like:

Magix 4 U by I.M.A.Noob

101 Magic Tricks for Clowns

You and Your Wand by A. Wizardston

How to Nuke the World by B.M Evilwizardington

How not to kill Harry Potter by Lord Voldemort

ROFL!1 OMG I M A WIZARD!1 LOL!1 by LipGlossBabe125819278643

Seriously how will the Weasley's cope with practically no money! Anyway, after Harry and the Weasley's had bought the items off the list it was time to go to platform nine and three quarters.

Harry, Ron and Hermione managed to get on the train just in time and found a mysteriously empty carriage, although all the other carriages were so packed people couldn't move a finger. The only problem with this carriage was there were some suspicious stains on the seats and an odd smell that seemed to cling to you in the moist air of the carriage.

Harry went and sat down, he felt something running down his leg and realised he didn't need to go to the toilet anymore. Ron and Hermione buggered off leaving Harry with his angsty ravings, Hedwig shited on the chair adding yet another stain to the seat. Harry thought about Sirius and his death by curtains. Harry had developed curtainphobia, the fear of falling behind curtains. Draco Malfoy just appeared randomly with his friends Crabbe and Goyle, Goyle was so ugly his hair and nose ran away leaving him hairless and nose less. Harry who was now drunk on pumpkin juice declared his love for Draco.

"Oh Draco, I love you!" Draco's reply to Harry's sudden declaration was:

"Get away from me you turniphead!" A gasp emulated from the watching crowd's, for turniphead was the biggest insult you can give to a wizard, even worse than 'mudblood' Harry burst into tears, writing on the floor in his drunken stupor, crying for his dead parents. Hermione fainted; Ron shit himself, adding to the already foul stench.

Finally they arrived, Harry crying into his blankie muttering about his dead parents, Hermione was trying to insert an even bigger stick up her arse in preparation for the New Year and Ron was being Ronish (picking his nose, farting and generally acting like a retard). When they arrived at the carriages, Harry gasped in shock.

"What are these black birds?" squealed Harry.

"Wark! Wark!" cried the black birds.

"They are……." Hermione's brain melted from the shock of not knowing the answer.

"They're black chocobos!" said Ron.

"That's right Ron!" said Dumbledore, appearing out of nowhere.

"Dumbledore, how did you get here?" asked Harry.

"I walked, do you think I have been stalking you, I haven't been stalking you. Alas Harry, how could you accuse me of stalking you?" asked Dumbledore.

"EHH?" Squeaked Ron. Dumbledore muttered.

"Have you been drinking?" Interjected Hermione, whose brain had now solidified,

"No!" Dumbledore paused. "Well yes, but that's not the point!"

And so…. Harry and all the other wizards rode the black chocobos to Hogwarts!

"Final fantasy's an rpg!" sang Ron gaily.

Harry had now stopped muttering into his blanket and was now attempting to get his chocobo to move without trying to peck his eyes out. Draco Malfoy on a nearby chocobo was trying to pluck out the feathers, naturally the chocobo was not happy about this so stopped very suddenly flinging Draco into the lake where he fell on a rock and broke his back.

"Alas" said Dumbledore.

Hagrid was there.

"Oh no! Those Boco's will have to be shot." He cried. The chocobos returned this sign of affection by throwing the students from their backs and charging at him. They left him with n clothes and flew off into the sunset because these were black chocobos and they can fly!


End file.
